It was late by the time I was closing up the studio. I’m a certified pole fitness instructor now, and I’d just worked a triple header of a night – Twerk Class at 6, reception at 7, and A2 Pole Fitness at 8. I was happily exhausted, on an intense emotional high from having the privilege to teach, challenge and help the incredible women who walked through the studio doors that night. I could have never expected this would be part of the teaching process… The looks of accomplishment on the girls’ faces when they get a new trick or spin, watching someone become a bit more comfortable with their body, catching them getting lost in the moment. It’s truly incredible to help facilitate these moments and I was riding the high these experiences brought.
And then it happened. 9:45 at night, gleefully exhausted, closing up the studio, the realization hit me:
I was physically exhausted and increasingly sleepy (it was nearing my bedtime for sure), yet so much more incredibly happy and fulfilled mopping the studio’s hardwood floors in that moment than I had been in quite some time.
Mopping. I was mid-tedious, mind-numbing task and I was so grateful to be in that moment. It’s part of the package – teaching at the studio – closing up when you work the last class, so it wasn’t my first time doing it. It just happened to be the first time the realization hit me like a dump truck.
THIS IS WHAT IS MISSING. The absence of THIS in my regular, day-to-day life. THIS is the feeling I keep chasing.
I’m not talking about the act of mopping itself, I’m talking about the feeling of fulfillment that comes during even the most mundane of tasks. I think maybe at one point in time it had been there in my day job. But slowly over the years, that feeling faded until it was extinguished. Fortunate enough for me, I’d been given a glimpse of that incredible feeling, and I wanted more.
It was right then and there I made the decision to take ACTION (<– hey yo!). I wanted THIS FEELING, this intoxicating feeling to flow through all areas of my life. I didn’t just want it in my part-time job, I wanted it in all of my jobs.
I started editing my resume 4 days later. Just 4 weeks later, I filled my letter of resignation. Two weeks after that, I began my new career path.
THAT FEELING now courses through all parts of my life. Even when times are tough, it’s still there. A quiet roar, it’s waiting patiently for me to realize it hasn’t gone anywhere. It’s here to stay now.
Maybe it was just time for me to find it again. Maybe I’d finally mustered up the motivation to make it happen. Maybe I was just straight up over it’s absence. No matter what, I didn’t just want it, I finally believed I was deserving of having it. And that might have been the most important part of it all.
And it happened while I was mopping.
Until next time, Campers,
It will happen as fast as you let it. – Someone wicked smart but unknown.
If you look at the notes in my site dashboard, you’d notice the draft of this post was opened on 1/8/16. And it saved multiple drafts over the next few hours that all had one thing in common…..
They were all blank.
Title = present.
Text = none.
Doesn’t quite fit the title, does it? Let me explain a little:
I’ve never been one to pick a word to describe my year ahead until now. On New Year’s Day, I came across Chris Brogan’s My 3 Words for 2016 and really enjoyed the concept of picking 3. My initial words were:
love – action – faith
Pretty solid, eh? I thought so as well, however one kept standing out among the crowd. Many of you would probably suspect it was the word “love” having read my posts for the past few years .. well you’ll be just as surprised as I was to realize that it wasn’t. The word that had the most meaning and draw to me wasn’t love or faith (although I credit a lot of the blessings in my life to these two words). It was ACTION.
And so I decided 2016 is my year of ACTION. Charged up with motivation, I sat down to fine tune my January Desire Map goals to ensure they lead to my year’s ultimate aims, with My Beautiful Circus being at the top. But that’s the tricky thing about getting all revved up on motivation and inspiration, though. When it comes down to the ACTION part, it can be scary as freakin hell, you hear me?! And that is exactly where I found myself on January 8, 2016 while logged in to the My Beautiful Circus dashboard: paralyzed by the thought of actually taking the ACTION.
The following day after my failed ACTION attempt, I was talking to a dear friend of mine and former colleague at lunch. While explaining what went down with my blank page scenario, her eyes lit up and she insisted that is what I should start writing about – my lack of ACTION on my year of ACTION post. That it could help not only me, but others who get caught at that final step. You know, the one that switches from talking, brainstorming and thinking to the doing? Yea, that one.
And so here I am, writing about my lack of inspired-action for my year of ACTION post, hoping that just maybe it’ll kick start you to do something today you’ve been putting off for quite some time.
Last year was quite the interesting, eye-opening, life-expanding year for Jennie B and my circus. (And that’s probably an understatement.) The epitome of “A lot can happen in a year.” I’ve learned that it’s totally A-OK to be:
- thrown off your game
- completely shake things up
- have complete and unfettering faith that something that sounds crazy to others will actually work
- forgive and try to move forward, embracing openness and vulnerability
- achieve a long-held dream only to realize it’s no where near what you want anymore
- fail and fail hard
- ask people for help
- and be unabashedly (and unapologeticaly) grateful and happy about the things in your life
And that’s just the short list of things that came to my mind for 2015! Last year was a year of learning, accepting, testing and watching. This year I’m taking more of a no-holds-bar kind of attitude. I’m going to tackle those pesky nay-sayers in my mind that hold me back from moving forward. It’s my year of ACTION. And even if the only ACTION I take is deciding to get out of bed and face another day, I’ll know it’s a step in the right direction. *Because let’s be honest, some days that’s a triumph in itself when your circus has gone to hell in a hand basket. I’m ok with ACTIONs big and small, just as long as I’m doing and not talking.
So tell me, what’s your word(s) for this year?
Have you already started embraced them in various ways?
I’d love to hear more about your thoughts on 2016!
Until next time, Campers..xxo,
A little less conversation, little more ACTION. – The King, Elvis Presley